Burnout is complete and utter emotional, physical and mental exhaustion. It is when you have endured stress over such a long period of time that the smallest things now feel too much. You are depleted. It is the end result of long term stress, over-doing-it and not nearly enough self-care or support.
High Achievers (Hi Achievers!)
High achievers can be at risk if they do not incorporate self-care into their routine. When you love what you do and have a drive to do well, it can be easy to fall into the trap of pushing yourself too far, too often.
Being your most productive, often means taking breaks and reigning-in that tendency to continually push-on. There is a vast difference between being in a constant state of stress and busyness in order to achieve, and achieving in a way that incorporates breaks, exercise, nice food, time out and connection. It is possible to achieve great things and take care of yourself at the same time. Many people would argue it is the only way.
Taking care of yourself makes achieving your goals much more sustainable.
Similar to high achievers, perfectionists work hard and have high expectations of themselves.
Being a perfectionist does not necessarily mean you are perfect, or think you are perfect. It means you have expectations that you should be perfect – or very close to. As this is impossible, perfectionists set themselves up to ‘fail’ and cause themselves incredible amounts of stress.
The common belief driving most perfectionists is ‘I’m not good enough’. That old, internalised message from childhood has a lot to answer for. It creates a situation where you feel what ever you do is never quite enough; so you do more, work harder, and say yes when you want to say no.
Perfectionists also find it hard to ask or accept help from others. There is a tendency to want to do everything themselves, to make sure it is done ‘right’.
Perfectionists believe they must always give their best and are scared that if they don’t, they will be seen as a failure. However, when we always push ourselves to give our best, we end up with nothing left. We run out of energy, passion, time and the ability to function well in all areas of our lives. Read More
Online counselling sessions work really well for a lot of people. About a quarter of my clients see me for online sessions. Some of them live in cities and quite a few of them live rural or remote. We spend an hour together, using a video calling system similar to Skype. It is easy, convenient and confidential.
Rural & Remote
As someone who has lived in the remote East Kimberley of Western Australia, I understand first-hand the unique challenges in finding a counsellor in a small or remote community.
Some of the reasons you may seek online counselling in a rural or remote area are:
• Your community may not have a counsellor.
• You may not be eligible for the counselling services that are provided.
• You may feel you don’t want to share personal information with a counsellor who may also be a neighbour or work colleague.
• There is less chance of bumping into your counsellor in a social situation.
• You would like to be free to discuss whatever you need to, without concern that your counsellor may know the people you mention.
• You may be feeling burnt out from the unique pressures of working remote and need to talk with someone who is removed, yet understands (me!).
Online, you have access to a much broader range of counsellors to choose from. This means there is more chance of finding the type of therapy you would like to work with, and a particular therapist who appeals to you.
Even for those of us living in urban areas, there are many benefits to online counselling.
Some of the reasons you may seek online counselling in an urban area are:
• Your anxiety may be preventing you from accessing a counsellor in-person – this may be a way for you to get the support you need.
• You may have a disability which makes it difficult for you to get to a counselling service.
• You may have an illness which means it is difficult to leave the house.
• You may be stuck at home with a baby or small child and no babysitter.
• With online counselling, you will not have to face the world immediately after your session. Instead, you have the opportunity to quietly reflect. Maybe with a cup of tea. On your own couch.
• You may work odd hours, which makes it difficult to get to a counsellor during opening times.
• You may travel a lot for work, but would still like to see a counsellor regularly. Read More
Sitting in her office at the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency, Mma Ramotswe reflected on how easy it was to find oneself committed to a course of action simply because one lacked the courage to say no.
Difficulties with boundaries is something I encounter a lot with the people who come to see me for counselling in Fremantle, Mundaring and online.
If we grew up in a home where healthy boundaries were not role modelled for us, we may have picked up some less-than-empowering beliefs about how to set healthy, adaptive boundaries.
This article will look at:
• What is a boundary?
• Types of boundaries
• Your body always knows your boundaries
• When we override our body signals
• Why is it so difficult?
• How to have healthy boundaries
• Brene Brown on boundaries
• Cool boundary experiment
Brene Brown describes a boundary as simply “what’s okay and what’s not okay” for us.
Healthy boundaries allow us to protect ourselves. When we don’t have great boundaries, we may feel we are constantly bending to the wishes of others. This usually leads to exhaustion, stress, resentment and an overall sense of disempowerment.
If we are unable to assert our boundaries in a healthy manner, most of us will eventually become either aggressive or withdrawn as a way of protecting ourselves. Compromising ourselves in these ways can lead to anxiety and depression.
A boundary may be rigid, porous or flexible. The nature of our boundaries will change depending on who we are with and the context of the situation. Read More